Heidi Thinks She Can Afford A $15 Million House

Whoever said The Hills wasn’t funny?

Heidi Montag is moving out of Hollywood (yay!) to escape “the drama.” Sadly, she hasn’t yet realized she’s normally the one to cause all the cat-fighting. But you know, it’s hard being that self-absorbed. Heidi and her man-beast Spencer Pratt are searching for a house in the $15 million range, which means they’re gonna have to stage a lot of bikini pics to save up! That or sell 15 million crappy tank tops from her junk fashion line. Either way, it will probably take them a few years - they’ve blown all their cash on lip injections, after all.

Heidi knows her price range is “a little bit expensive,” but says “we want to get one house where we want to stay and build a family in.” Just the thought of these two “building” some babies makes us vomit harder than Shia LeBeouf after a night of binge drinking. Eek.

It’s such a relief to know that Lauren Conrad is not a “tortured soul.” Apparently we’re the only ones tormented by her mascara-stained tear fests and alleged 8 hour work days spent in 6 inch Louboutin heels. Hell, we’re surprised Lauren has a soul at all - we thought she sold it to get that pathetic fashion line. More LCisms coming at you on August 5th in CosmoGirl. [via FadedYouth]