83. Kobe Bryant Rape Trial

As the first NBA player drafted right out of high school, Kobe Bryant was living the epitome of a perfect life — Prom with Brandy! Hot teenage wife! $40 million a year in pay and endorsements! — when he suddenly and stupidly f*cked up all his fame and fortune in an instant. On July 18, 2003, while in Colorado for surgery, Kobe banged a 19-year-old former cheerleader working at his hotel. Shortly after the incident she came forward and charged the Lakers star with sexual assault, throwing a wrench into his perfect world.

Bryant admitted to the adultery, and — in the most pathetic and pricey attempt at an apology ever — bought his wife a $4 million 8-carat diamond ring so she could wear his shame on her finger. Everything from the victim’s semen-stained panties to Kobe’s kinky fetishes (such as grabbing the victim’s neck while penetrating her from behind, then asking permission to ejaculate on her face) was fair game in the trial. But the baller denied the charges of assault, and the case was dropped when the victim refused to testify. She later brought a civil suit against Kobe, which was “resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.” In other words, she got some cash ya’ll!

As the scandal dust settled, Kobe’s star rose again thanks to his MVP status and his feud with ex-pal Shaquille O’Neal — and, of course, that massive diamond ring.

Sixteen-year-old Amy Fisher had been having an affair with Joey Buttafuoco since May 1991, but the married auto worker refused to leave his wife for his underage mistress. In May 1992, an enraged Fisher went to the Buttafuoco’s Massapequa, Long Island home, and shot his wife Mary Jo in the face with an Titan .25 semi-automatic, leaving her deafened in one ear and her face partially paralyzed.

Although Fisher, whom the New York tabs dubbed “The Long Island Lolita”, spawned not one but two TV movies (Drew Barrymore perfected Fisher’s vacant stare in the underrated The Amy Fisher Story), her story lacked a happy ending. After accepting a plea deal, Fisher served seven years at the Albion Correctional Facility, but her public humiliation didn’t end there. In 2007, Fisher’s then-husband Louis Bellera released a sex tape showing the now thirtysomething Fisher looking decidedly less Lolita-like.

Buttafuoco, for his part, served six months for statutory rape, got dumped by Mary Jo, and continues to surface as a one-word punchline on The Howard Stern Show. It’s enough to make a guy want to pummel someone, and in 2002, Buttafuoco got his chance when he thrashed female pro wrestler Chyna on Fox’s Celebrity Boxing. [Charles Bottomley]

If only Monica Lewinsky hadn’t blown Bill Clinton! We know that Mr. I-Did-Not-Have Sexual-Relations-With-That-Woman wouldn’t have been impeached in 1998 for lying under oath. But there is so much we don’t know … Would a zippered Clinton have gone on to prove MVP in Al Gore’s presidential campaign and subsequent victory in the 2000 election? Would we be in Iraq? Would we have attacked a real enemy instead — global warming, say? Would we have affordable oil, a viable economy, friends who speak other languages?

Forget the sordid details: the blue dress adorned with presidential seed, the intern’s claim that the commander-in chief deployed a cigar-tube in her free-fly zone, the fact that she was only 21 when the “inappropriate intimate contact” began. Instead, join us in wondering: When Monica blew the president, did she blow everything? Maybe. (OK, probably.) That’s why we’ve ranked a few measly blow jobs between consenting adults as the second greatest celebrity scandal of all time.

Monica Lewinsky [Getty Images]

Monica Lewinsky [Getty Images]

Monica Lewinsky [Getty Images]